So, I come out of that cave I stuck myself in and find the sun beating down on my skin again and it feels like heaven. Until I have some decisive answers, I'm going to be up and down, a pain the ass to be around, grouchy sometimes, a bitch other, and I really really strive not to feel sorry for myself. My mother taught me a valuable lesson at an early age, "Look around you when you start feeling sorry for yourself. There will always be someone far worse off than yourself. Count yourself blessed and try to make their day a little brighter." I try. Sometimes, I may be standing in front of or behind a person at the grocery store that happen to be a few cents or a dollar or two short and I'll step up and cover it. Sometimes, the grocery lines will be long and a gentleman or woman has only one or two items, I offer them a place in front of me. There are countless number of little ways to brighten someone's day and make them smile. By giving them that, it lightens something inside of me. It doesn't change what will happen to me or has happened, but it does lighten me a bit.

There are other times when I just can't seem to kick myself into gear. I seem to fight with everyone for little to no reason really. When it dawns on me I'm doing it, I make a mental list of things that need to be done around here, little things, not big things. I don't want to overwhelm myself, just little everyday things I haven't gotten around to just yet, be it dusting (which I hate) or polishing (again, which I hate) or washing walls, just something. Then I start at number one and do it. Simple, automatic, routine stuff and for whatever reason, it seems to calm me, puts me back into a good frame of mind. Members of my family suffer from depression. I think we inherit it. That's how I deal with it and thankfully, I've never had to take meds for it and depression seldom hits me. I rather be angry at things, and yes, sometimes people. But those I get angry with, know I can't stay angry and I do my best not to say things I don't mean. Words DO have power. They can't be taken back or forgotten with a simple, "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it." If you didn't mean it, don't say it. I know I'm not the easiest person to love and I don't love easily (too many bones in the closet for that) but when I do, unless I am betrayed, cheated on, backstabbed or snuck around on, I love with genuine caring and loyalty.

-blink- I went off on a rant, didn't I? -sigh- Here's the bottom line. Today is a new day, filled with wonder, love, hope and encouragement. I go sleep with a smile and a comforted, sated, happy soul and I wake up with a smile and filled with joy. I owe that to one man and one man only and there's not a day I don't say a small thank you to the Powers-That-Be for him and a thank you to TPTB for letting me continue to be.